- How you like to receive and show love
- How your significant other likes to receive and show love.
The “Grey” Area of 50 Shades of Grey
- The way our brains operate, if you need pain to get sexually excited, that level of pain becomes normative and routine, so you have to increase the level of pain to get the same excitement. In a long-term, lifelong sexual relationship, that’s a problem.
- When sex recreates past abuse instead of providing a healing alternative, it cements the soul in dysfunction rather than releasing the soul into healthy intimacy.
- If a couple ignores the spiritual side of sex, their satisfaction in the bedroom is living on borrowed time.
- It’s simply foolish to feel intimidated by or envious of the sexual relationship of a couple that requires a billionaire’s income and schedule to sexually excite each other.
- Daily kindness will get a woman in the mood far more certainly than sanitized metal.
- Soul-satisfying sex without commitment is as real as chocolate cake without calories.
- An abused man who expresses his hurt with violent sexual acts against a woman is “healed” by his sexual partner being willing and submissive? The last time that happened in real life was never.
- Love isn’t expressed by accepting intentional pain; it’s built by giving and receiving unselfish pleasure.
- While an occasional blindfold might be enticing, far more satisfying is to see the look in another’s eyes when they desires and adores you.
- Healthy men and women want to be desired for who they are, not for the toys they can afford.
- The best mark of fulfilling sex isn’t a bruise or a scratch—it’s that special glance between each other two hours later.
- It takes far more bravery to commit yourself to one partner for life than it does to commit yourself to a new sexual encounter.
- What’s nobler? A married couple thinking up new ways to give pleasure or a dating couple thinking up new ways to give pain?
- A strong man isn’t looking for a young woman to dominate; he’s looking for a woman who inspires him, a partner to share life with, and a fellow parent with whom he can build a family.
- If a guy is “fifty shades of [messed] up,” he’ll bring you far more misery than pleasure as soon as you step out of the bedroom.
- A guy who has to control you in the bedroom won’t stop trying to control you in the living room… Or the kitchen, or the car, or anywhere else, for that matter.
- The best sex doesn’t require one person “training” another; it requires sharing and learning and growing together.
Happy New Year and “Post-Romantic Stress Disorder”
A Chance To Learn More
I will be adding some of the concepts of this book in my class, on 2/28/15. “Successful Romantic and Intimate Relationships: How to Make Them Work”. You can register through Leisure Learning Unlimited, www.llu.com or 713-529-4414. It’s on a Saturday from 10am-12noon. Hope to see you there! Register For “Successful Romantic and Intimate Relationships: How to Make Them Work“Why Aren’t Women Advancing At Work? Ask a Transgender Person
How much has the role of women changed in the workplace in the last few decades? It is drastic, to think of the positions and roles women have created and earned for themselves throughout time. This article brings to light that despite the advancement, there is still discrimination in the attitudes some have towards women regardless of position and title. Very interesting, particularly since the some of the observation is done by someone who has lived both genders….
Fifty years after The Feminine Mystique and 40 years after Title IX, the question of why women lag in the workplace dogs researchers and lay people alike. While women are entering the professions at rates equal to men, they rise more slowly, and rarely advance to the top. They’re represented in smaller numbers at the top in fields from science to arts to business. Some suggest that there is something different about women—women have stalled because of their personal choices, or their cognitive and emotional characteristics, whether innate or socialized. Another possibility is that the obstacles to women’s advancement are located within their environments—that they face barriers unique to their gender.1 But while bias has been experimentally demonstrated, it’s hard to study in the real world: Just as it’s hard to isolate a single environmental pollutant’s effect on human health, it’s been near impossible to isolate gender as a variable in the real world and watch how it affects a person’s day-to-day experience. Until now. Trans people are bringing entirely new ways of approaching the discussion. Because trans people are now staying in the same careers (and sometimes the very same jobs) after they change genders, they are uniquely qualified to discuss the difference between how men and women experience the workplace. Their experience is as close to the scientific method as we can get: By isolating and manipulating gender as a variable and holding all other variables—skill, career, personality, talent—constant, these individuals reveal exactly the way one’s outward appearance of gender affects day-to-day interactions. If we truly want to understand women at work, we should listen carefully to trans men and trans women: They can tell us more about gender in the workplace than just about anyone. Ben Barres is a biologist at Stanford who lived and worked as Barbara Barres until he was in his forties. For most of his career, he experienced bias, but didn’t give much weight to it—seeing incidents as discrete events. (When he solved a tough math problem, for example, a professor said, “You must have had your boyfriend solve it.”) When he became Ben, however, he immediately noticed a difference in his everyday experience: “People who don’t know I am transgendered treat me with much more respect,” he says. He was more carefully listened to and his authority less frequently questioned. He stopped being interrupted in meetings. At one conference, another scientist said, “Ben gave a great seminar today—but then his work is so much better than his sister’s.” (The scientist didn’t know Ben and Barbara were the same person.) “This is why women are not breaking into academic jobs at any appreciable rate,” he wrote in response to Larry Summers’s famous gaffe implying women were less innately capable at the hard sciences. “Not childcare. Not family responsibilities,” he says. “I have had the thought a million times: I am taken more seriously.” This experience, it turns out, is typical for transmen. For her book Just One of the Guys? Transgender Men and the Persistence of Gender Inequality, sociologist Kristen Schilt interviewed dozens of FTM (female to male) transgender individuals. One subject noted that when he expresses an opinion, everyone in a meeting now writes it down. Another noted, “When I was a woman, no matter how many facts I had, people were like, “Are you sure about that?’ It’s so strange not to have to defend your positions.” When they suggested women for promotions, other men said, “Oh! I hadn’t thought about her”—they were able to promote women because their advice was taken more seriously. Personality traits that had been viewed negatively when they were women were now seen as positives. “I used to be considered aggressive,” said one subject. “Now I’m considered ‘take charge.’ People say, ‘I love your take-charge attitude.’” The effects of FTM transition, however, aren’t universally positive. Race, it seems, has the ability to overshadow gender when it comes to others’ esteem. Black transmen, for instance, found they were perceived as a “dangerous” post transition. One subject said he went from being “obnoxious black woman” to “scary black man”—and was now always asked to play the “suspect” in training exercises. What happens when the opposite transformation takes place—when a man becomes a woman? Joan Roughgarden is a biologist at Stanford who lived and worked as Jonathan Roughgarden until her early fifties, and her experience was almost the mirror image of Barres’s. In her words, “men are assumed to be competent until proven otherwise, whereas a woman is assumed to be incompetent until she proves otherwise.” In an interview, Roughgarden also noted that if she questioned a mathematical idea, people assumed it was because she didn’t understand it. Other transwomen have found changes not only in perceptions of their ability, but also their personality. In Schilt’s work with transwomen for a forthcoming book, she found that behaviors transwomen had as men were now seen as off-putting. What was once “take-charge” was now “aggressive.” And they had to adapt; the transwomen quickly learned that “being the same way in the world would be detrimental to your career.” Unlike those of us who have only experienced the world a single gender, Schilt’s subjects were able to see very clearly that “men succeed in the workplace at higher rates than women because of gender stereotypes that privilege masculinity, not because they have greater skill or ability.” Bias is a hard thing to acknowledge. “Until a person has experienced career-harming bias,” wrote Barres in his response to Summers, “they simply don’t believe it exists.” And people tend to think the problem is located elsewhere: “Everyone thinks that there’s bias out there, but ‘I’m not that person,’” says Schilt. But, says Schilt, bias is both more pervasive and less invidious. And addressing it is going to take more than just waiting around for the old guard to retire: The “fantasy of a demographic shift just isn’t true,” Schilt says. ”It’s our culture. It’s how we organize gender, separate by gender, men’s rooms and women’s rooms—it’s so ingrained in us that these things are different. And it’s not just men, it’s also women who have the same ideas.” The experiences of trans people are bringing these factors to light in a wholly new and unclouded way. Of course, the sample size is small here. And there’s no perfect agreement on cause-and-effect. Chris Edwards, a trans advertising executive, says that post-transition, he was given greater levels of responsibility—but he thinks it’s because the testosterone he took changed his behavior. He became less timid and more outspoken—and was seen, at work, as more of a leader. Indeed, some suggest that transmen might experience these workplace benefits partly because, post-transition, they are happier and more comfortable, and that this confidence leads to greater workplace success. But if that’s the case, one would expect that transwomen, armed with this same newfound confidence, would see benefits. The opposite seems to be true. To truly understand trans people’s experiences of workplace gender bias, more research is needed. But the window to do so may be closing, as people are able to change genders at younger and younger ages. Puberty-inhibiting medications are becoming more mainstream, meaning young trans people can choose to suppress the development of secondary sexual characteristics from a relatively early age. (The treatment became available in the U.S. in 2009.) A child who identifies with the opposite gender and seeks treatment is now able to experience the world, for most of their life, as that gender alone. And the group of trans people who are vocal on the subject is already fairly small; many seem to feel they have much larger issues facing them. When asked how people react when she describes the different treatment she receives as a woman, Roughgarden responds simply, “I don’t bring it up.” Ultimately, Schilt says, it’s not trans people’s responsibility fix gender bias. Roughgarden agrees. “We’re trying make a life,” she says. “We have to live in our actual roles, we can’t sit in a coffeehouse and complain about how this is the world. This is the world and we have to live in it. We have to navigate it.” Article Courtesy of NewRepublic.com
Two Tips for Avoiding Needless Stress When Someone Dies
Now it is Truly Easy to “Put Life in Order and Put Worry Away.”
We are thrilled to announce that we’ve truly made it easy for you to put life in order and put worry away with the publication of the Texas edition of our new workbook. The workbook is now available for sale on our website and will provide one easy location where you can write down all the information you want your family, friends or doctors to have should you be involved in an accident or unable to speak for yourself. We’ve provided contact lists, a wallet card, advance directive questionnaires, valid Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) and Organ Donation forms as well as helpful lists that tell you what to do in the first 24 hours after someone dies. While we don’t provide a form for a will (although filling this out will probably make getting one much easier) we have tried, however, to provide everything else you may need to help communicate your wishes and desires should you be hospitalized or unable to speak.What People are Say about “Put Life in Order and Put Worry Away.”
It is superb. I can see the work that you put into this book. It is very helpful. I hope (and will try) to spread the word about how it can help people, almost change lives. Thank you so much for creating this book. ~Lynn B. Houston, TexasOrder today as this is one decision that we know will give you and your loved one’s peace of mind.
3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
Wishing you peace, serenity and joy….Denise3 Ways to Reduce Holiday Stress
With the busy summer holiday season in full force we find that we have very little time to sit still long enough to bring inner peace and calm to our lives. Here are a few ways to help cope with the stress of the holidays while promoting health at the same time.
1. Keep expectations and commitments balanced. It’s important to understand that you cannot get everything that you want to get done and that not everything is going to be perfect. Taking on too much and putting a lot of pressure on ourselves to have everything be perfect is a sure fire way to elevate our cortisol (our stress hormone).
2. Put yourself on a budget. One of the most significant sources of holiday stress is related to the money that we spend on parties and decorations. Setting a budget for yourself ahead of time will help you determine how much you are willing to spend on certain things. With a budget in place, you’re less likely to overspend and therefore will have less stress during and after the holidays.
3. Eat your vegetables and remember to exercise. Most people gain weight during the holidays because there are plenty of sugary treats around and on top of that there’s little time to exercise with all the holiday activities planned. Eating plenty of vegetables which are full in fiber will help to curb cravings for sweets and will help you to pass the treat table without stopping. Without much time to set aside to get to the gym, incorporating as much movement as possible is important in balancing our mood and reducing stress. Taking 10 minutes to go for a walk or organizing a short a dance party with family members to holiday music are a couple of ways to incorporate movement into your busy day without having to go to the gym.
Courtesy of http://www.myvitawellness.com
The Effect of Sugar on the Brain
The Effect of Sugar on the Brain
Not only does sugar trigger a hormonal response in the body with the release of insulin, but it also has a significant effect on the brain. As soon as sugar enters the mouth, a message is sent to the brain which activates the reward centers. This then releases dopamine which results in a temporary state of perceived happiness or a “high”. This biological response convinces our brain and body that we need more in order to experience that “high” again. Due to this rewarding response in the brain, sugar can be quite addictive. Scientists have compared the brains response to cocaine, heroine, nicotine and alcohol and sugar consumption and although the effects from sugar weren’t as extreme as these toxic substances, they found surprisingly similar results. They found that the same areas of the brain are activated for all of these substances. A study in Neurology found that a diet that is high in sugar or other simple carbohydrates can be detrimental to the function and structure of the brain. They found that higher glucose consumption led to decreased memory. This higher glucose consumption can also lead to diabetes, obesity, high blood pressure and liver damage. All-natural sugars like coconut sugar, agave and honey that have often been considered to be healthier options, but these substances actually contain almost as much glucose as refined table sugar. In addition, there are hidden sugars in many foods that we may not be aware of – such as ketchup, yogurt, flavored beverages and even naturally-sweetened foods found at a health food store. Many foods do not list “sugar” as an ingredient on the label but do list a derivation of the word such as: sucrose, fructose, dextrose, starch, fruit juice, corn syrup or high fructose corn syrup. To preserve your brain’s function and structure, and your body’s overall health, do yourself a favor and limit your sugar consumption to less than 25 grams of sugar per day (as recommended by the World Health Organization). To give you some perspective of that 25 grams (or 6 teaspoons) of sugar is, consider a can of soda which is about 39 grams of sugar while an apple which contains about 19 grams. Courtesy of http://www.myvitawellness.com
The Importance of End of Life Planning: Y Collaborative Partnership
Briargrove Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide lasting and positive results for couples to have increased satisfaction, and feel more love and connection in the relationship. Couples get faster results when both people are committed to making a positive change. Therapy gives both people insights about what they want to see differently in themselves and what they want to see differently in their partner and the relationship. It focuses on discovering unmet needs, lost parts, and overcoming defensiveness that prevents intimacy. Therapy promotes insight to give you additional ways to perceive the problems and additional ways to get results. Together we will:- Identify the issues and conflicts that prevent intimacy and safety.
- Identify factors that you and your partner do to sabotage what you want
- Help you develop insights and skills to let go of what’s not working and get what you need.
- Use cutting edge communication skills and techniques to change counterproductive and upsetting behavior
- Look at how you can support each other effectively and genuinely through the changes you make
- Create a space where you reach a new level of success in your relationship
How I Can Help
I see my role giving attention, support and direction to help couples develop what they need to make a break-through rather than a break up. Most therapy is short term. I teach effective skills that you can use at home. The goal of therapy is to make changes so the couple will have increased satisfaction and feel more love and connection in the relationship.Pre-Marital Counseling
I also meet with couples prior to weddings and holy unions. Pre-Marital counseling gives couples the opportunity to look at issues that often come up in relationships before they come up! This gives the couple the chance to see where they have differences in values and beliefs, and how they can prevent conflict when these differences arise. You don’t have to agree on everything to have a good relationship, but you have to respect the differences. I have a pre-commitment questionnaire that addresses relationship issues. These include: money, relatives, children, vacations, work, household chores, sex, dealing with crisis times of life, fidelity, romance, use of alcohol, tobacco, marijuana and other drugs, communication rules, personality differences, role of friends, physical appearance, jealousy, cultural background issues, personal goals, pre-nupual agreements and blending families. Discussing your areas of concern prior to your big day, will give you an insightful and valuable approach to minimizing future problems and maintaining respect for your partner and your relationship.Let Us Know How I Can Help!
[contact-form-7 id=”1467″ title=”landing-page”]Bellaire Couples Therapy & Marriage Counseling
How Couples Therapy Can Help
Therapy can provide lasting and positive results for couples to have increased satisfaction, and feel more love and connection in the relationship. Couples get faster results when both people are committed to making a positive change. Therapy gives both people insights about what they want to see differently in themselves and what they want to see differently in their partner and the relationship. It focuses on discovering unmet needs, lost parts, and overcoming defensiveness that prevents intimacy. Therapy promotes insight to give you additional ways to perceive the problems and additional ways to get results. Together we will:- Identify the issues and conflicts that prevent intimacy and safety.
- Identify factors that you and your partner do to sabotage what you want
- Help you develop insights and skills to let go of what’s not working and get what you need.
- Use cutting edge communication skills and techniques to change counterproductive and upsetting behavior
- Look at how you can support each other effectively and genuinely through the changes you make
- Create a space where you reach a new level of success in your relationship